You know that feeling when your soul hasn’t fully docked back into your body yet? Murag naa pa kos laing planeta. Weh? So, I just woke up from a nap before my shift and for a solid 47 seconds I had no idea what year it was, what day it was, or what dimension I was currently operating in.

So... I'm turning 42. Or maybe I already did? Honestly, I’ve stopped counting. Not because I’m avoiding my age like an overdue bill, but because time feels like that one coworker who’s always around but you never really talk to. Anyway—Aries. Born under the fire sign that apparently means I’m passionate, driven, and just a bit dramatic (but in a charming way, okay?). Basically, I’m the type who’ll plan an entire new life direction at 3AM then forget about it by sunrise because I got distracted by a new productivity app.

Last year, I picked up running. For health? Yes. For sanity? Definitely. For the thrill of watching my bank account cry every time I see a new pair of running shoes? Also yes. Is it helping me lose weight? That depends—are we talking physically, emotionally, or financially?

Now, let’s talk about hormones. Or maybe not. These hormones are out here cosplaying as emotional terrorists—messing with my sleep, my weight, my skin, my sanity. It's like puberty threw a boomerang and it came back, just angrier and more chaotic. As a night owl, sleep and I are basically in a situationship. I want it. It avoids me. When we do meet, it’s intense and short-lived. On my worst days, I feel like a zombie who accidentally wandered into a productivity seminar and decided to stay.

Also, let’s address the elephant in the brain—undiagnosed ADHD. High-functioning, they say. Which means I function… while also forgetting where I put my phone, why I opened the fridge, (or why is my phone inside the fridge???) and how I ended up watching a documentary about ancient plumbing systems during my break.

This morning, Le husband NoodleBoy—bless his unintentionally savage soul—asked me, “So, are you running a 42K tomorrow for your birthday?” LUUUHH! Patya nalang ko! Me, looking like a panda with 2 hours of sleep and a mental load heavier than my laundry basket, was just... Sir, right now, I can barely run my life. Would it be iconic? Yes. Would I survive? Maybe. Would I finish in under 7 hours? Debatable. But honestly, I’m in that season where self-preservation is the real flex. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone—except maybe my past self, who thought she’d have life figured out by 30. (She was cute.)

Truth is, I sometimes lay awake staring at the ceiling, wondering:  What have I been doing with my life so far? Am I making a mark or just circling the same routine until I run out of ink? I feel like I’m in the middle of a midlife plot twist, where I’m both the main character and the unreliable narrator. Do I continue this path? Or veer off to the road less traveled where there's a cottage, a garden, and maybe slightly more sleep?

And yet... despite the chaos, the anxiety, and the lingering feeling that I’ve been winging it since 2004—I feel hopeful. Like rain on your wedding day or free food when you're already full. Not what you expected, but somehow... still kind of perfect?

So here I am. Forty-two. Sleep-deprived, hormone-ravaged, emotionally bruised, but spiritually scrappy. Anxious but excited. Unprepared but lowkey confident. I’m not who I thought I’d be—but I think I’m starting to like who I actually am. Padayon lang ta sa gibati. Even if the feelings are loud and messy, and a little sweaty from that last run... or indoor cycling.

Now that I'm in my 40s, I think aging isn’t just about getting older anymore. I feel like it’s about growing into a more confident and empowered version of ourselves. Since I started visiting Infinity Aesthetic Center in Ormoc in January 2024, I’ve learned that preserving our youth goes beyond what we see in the mirror. It’s about feeling good in our skin, letting go of insecurities, and finding strength in taking care of ourselves.

When I began my treatments at Infinity Aesthetic Center, I wasn’t just looking for a quick fix for my skin. At that time, my skin was really breaking out bad due to my hormones, and it was right after the holidays when I ate so much sweets and carbs that it was really wreaking havoc on my skin. I wanted to look good again, if not better. 

I told the aestheticians that I wanted to have Korean skin or glass skin. It was a long shot I know but we started treating my acne with some creams and a weekly facial, be it a refreshing Hydra Facials or their Signature Facials. Sometimes I'd get the skin-smoothing Carbon Laser Treatments. 

These sessions are more than just about looking good, but honestly, they’re about feeling good. Sounds cliche, right? But it's true! My husband also tells me I deserve to take time for myself, to care for my well-being, and to feel proud of who I am.

We’re often told by society that we need to look a certain way to be valuable. But for me, these treatments aren’t about fitting into someone else’s mold. They’re about taking charge of how I feel about myself. They allow me to look in the mirror and see not just a woman in her 40s, but a strong, confident person who can handle anything that comes her way.

People should know that youth isn’t just about having smooth skin or fewer wrinkles but more like the confidence that comes from feeling good about yourself. After each visit to Infinity Aesthetic Center, I walk out with more than just glowing skin. I walk out with a boost in confidence. This feeling isn’t about vanity. Instead, it's about shedding insecurities that can hold us back. It’s about stepping into the world with the mindset that I’m ready for whatever life throws at me.

When we take care of ourselves, we build confidence, and that confidence affects everything we do. I’ve noticed that I carry myself differently, speak more assertively, and approach challenges with a new sense of capability. Feeling good about how we look helps us focus on what really matters—living our lives to the fullest without worrying about how we appear to others.

Aging with grace also means accepting who we are at every stage of life. It’s about appreciating the lines that tell our story, the experiences that have shaped us, and the wisdom that comes with age. Getting beauty treatments like RF (radiofrequency) or HIFU (high-intensity focused ultrasound) not only makes us look younger, but they help us feel comfortable and confident in our own skin, no matter our age.

When we accept ourselves, we feel empowered. We don’t need to change or hide who we are to be valuable—we’re already enough just as we are. Honestly, these treatments can highlight our natural beauty and help us feel strong and ready to face the world.

Preserving our youth isn’t a goal to reach, but it should be an ongoing process of taking care of ourselves and finding what makes us feel good. Let’s take care of our skin, our minds, and our hearts. Let’s build confidence that helps us tackle anything life throws at us. 

Aging with grace isn’t just about looking young, but it’s about feeling strong, confident, and completely at peace with who we are.

Tonight, as I looked at myself in the mirror, it dawned on me that 2004 was a lifetime ago. There, staring back at me, was a girl twice the size of my old self, getting ready for a weekend coffee date with my husband. No matter how busy our work week gets, we make sure to carve out quality time together, as if we don’t already spend 24/7 together, both working remotely from home. Still, quality time *IS* quality time together.

As I reminisced about how bustling the streets of downtown Ormoc City were 20 years ago, my mind wandered to twentysomething us, painting the town red with booze and beyond, bar hopping like there was no tomorrow, chugging beer like we were putting out fires in our bellies. 

Now, it’s eerily quiet where the parties used to rage. The people at the table near us were engrossed in conversations about their work lives, clocking in, keeping timers, and billing clients by the hour. At another table, a big family gathered, from toddlers to teens, obviously enjoying a bonding moment.

My mind flashed back to our usual watering hole, which was always full of tables with people we exchanged stories with—mostly peers, schoolmates, and even rivals. We were united by one common thing: we were party animals, and we knew how to have a good time without getting killed, arrested, or committing a crime. We drank with everyone within arm's reach.

Social distancing was unheard of back then, and we literally rubbed elbows with everyone who’s anyone. I suddenly missed the servers and bartenders who we knew personally and who gave us free shots, while I now slurped my extra caffeinated Java Chip frappe. How far I’ve come from shots of tequila chased down with ice-cold Red Horse beer. 

The aesthetically designed coffee shop we were at now in 2024 played lo-fi music instead of the all-too-familiar electronic dance or house music that was on constant replay on my old iPod. It had a really lovely ambiance, and I savored every moment because I’m still with the love of my life, my best friend, soulmate, and leading man… my cariño mio.

We spent the rest of our night walking around the dining district, where most shops were already closed, simply enjoying the cool night breeze. We talked about how the caste system was a real thing before, where people had to be matched according to their social classes, being shunned by their families when they fought for love, or in some cases, having to elope. We shuddered at the thought of it, had we been subjected to something like that. 

Our evening was briefly interrupted when our son, NoodleLito, called to ask for the Apple ID password, jolting me back to reality and reminding me of how much technology has advanced. Now, I can see someone's face to talk to them, and can’t express my annoyance, unlike before, when I could flip my phone hard when I wanted to “slam” it.

Everyone younger than us probably flocked to a new spot in the city where all the cool kids hung out, especially since there was a tattoo event happening tonight. But the crowd just isn’t for us anymore. Loud music gives me a mother-lovin' migraine, and I really don’t want to be screaming my lungs out and then losing my voice when I have back-to-back Zoom meetings on Mondays. 

So, we drove around the city proper for a bit, enjoying the traffic-less streets of Ormoc, a place that still feels like a sleepy town even as it progresses economically. My heart belongs here, though I sometimes dream of what it'd be like to live in a rural town in Okinawa with colder weather and better sushi.

We decided to conclude the night and head home when we realized we were low on gas. Lo and behold, we still don’t have a 24-hour gasoline station. When we arrived home, we didn’t immediately go in because, naturally, you’d have people/neighbors/friends to greet you. It’s more fun talking outside on the street, standing up for another hour, than actually going in and sitting down.

Looking up, it seemed the skies were going to be a killjoy again and rain cats and dogs soon, so we called it a night. Here's a fact: I’m the person who’s cleaning their house at 2 AM, doing the laundry, and watering their plants—not because I’m on drugs, but simply because my body clock is different and I’ve thrived working graveyard shifts for two decades now. 

Once the torrential downpour started, the lights went out, signaling I ought to take advantage of this “bed” weather. Unfortunately, the caffeine was too strong for me to hit the sack, so here I am writing this post at 3 AM. Thank goodness for cellular data and Fallout Radio.

But I guess now that the lights are back, the water is probably back (yes, unfortunately, the water in Ormoc gets cut off every time it rains). I’m ready for a warm shower so I can change into my favorite pajamas and cuddle with my family. A perfect end to a Saturday night… or maybe I’ll stay up a little bit more and do a K-drama marathon.